Sunday, January 27, 2013
My Conflicted Runner Thoughts...
Yesterday I ran 9 long miles in the rain. When I was training for my marathon, 9 miles was not a long run, BUT now that I am just training for a half it is! So my runner friends ( and non-runner friends) I have to be honest with you..I feel like running has now become an inner struggle, a love-hate relationship..I really think it is the weather that is making me feel like this. When I run in the sun I don't feel like this so much. But I keep fighting my inner self. Am I really a real runner? Real runners don't dread their long runs do they? I am trying to decided if after my half-marathon in 2 weeks to retire my long distance running.. When I say long distance I am saying no more marathons..and possibly not half-marathons..but is that really me? I don't know. I have so many runner friends who love to run, rain or shine, long or short. I honestly don't love it that much. I will never give up running all together. But distance takes a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel guilty when I am gone from the kids too much, and the very reason I used to love running is now why I don't. I will never be the fastest, or run the farthest, in fact I have come to realize that I am not really that good at running. The only thing that has been working to my advantage is my ability to be mentally tough and get through the pain. But I don't want to just get though the pain, I want to love it again. I want to feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my face, my heart in my chest, and my feet pounding down. I am a runner. It is in my blood, in my heart and in my soul. I believe my love will come back with the sun. I know what is different this year..I have always taken a break from outside running until Spring..but this year I have been running through the winter. I believe sunshine and shorter runs will bring back my love and I will be flying high again!
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Coming from someone who LOVES running and gets a rush from it...do what you LOVE! If you only love 3 mile runs, then just run 3 miles! You have accomplished SO much...make it about doing what you love not what you feel like you're "supposed" to do. Sticking to running as just a form of cardio will be great for your heart and keep you in shape. That's my "advice"...do whatever it is you find you LOVE! =)
ReplyDeleteMichelle,
ReplyDeleteI am not a strong, fast runner, and probably never will be. I did my first half marathon in December and it was ALOT training for and putting in all those miles. It took me away from my family alot and when I was home I was exhausted and often took a nap to recooperate from my long run. After running the half I did not feel in any way, shape, or form that I wanted to ever sign up for a long distance race again. It took a tole on me in so many ways. I went into this new year not with any race goals but simply mileage goals. I run 4x a week and typically do 3 (if on my treadmill) to 3.6 miles if running outside at the lake here in my town. I love that distance! I am adding in a longer run day again and working my way up to 7.2 miles (2x around the lake). Once I get up to that distance I plan to rotate on my long run day running 4 miles, then 5 the next week, then 6, then 7, and repeat. Anything over that is just alot. And for me I don't love running in the cold/rain at all...but I do love the feeling of sweat, hardwork, accomplishment, spending time with the Lord, and being consistent!! I hope when the sun starts shining you will get reenergized and know exactly what you are suppose to do with running. I don't think you need to retire forever from long distance but maybe take a season off and just refocus on the enjoyment you first had with running!