Sunday, January 27, 2013

My Conflicted Runner Thoughts...

Yesterday I ran 9 long miles in the rain. When I was training for my marathon, 9 miles was not a long run, BUT now that I am just training for a half it is! So my runner friends ( and non-runner friends) I have to be honest with you..I feel like running has now become an inner struggle, a love-hate relationship..I really think it is the weather that is making me feel like this. When I run in the sun I don't feel like this so much. But I keep fighting my inner self. Am I really a real runner? Real runners don't dread their long runs do they? I am trying to decided if after my half-marathon in 2 weeks to retire my long distance running.. When I say long distance I am saying no more marathons..and possibly not half-marathons..but is that really me? I don't know. I have so many runner friends who love to run, rain or shine, long or short. I honestly don't love it that much. I will never give up running all together. But distance takes a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel guilty when I am gone from the kids too much, and the very reason I used to love running is now why I don't. I will never be the fastest, or run the farthest, in fact I have come to realize that I am not really that good at running. The only thing that has been working to my advantage is my ability to be mentally tough and get through the pain. But I don't want to just get though the pain, I want to love it again. I want to feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my face, my heart in my chest, and my feet pounding down. I am a runner. It is in my blood, in my heart and in my soul. I believe my love will come back with the sun. I know what is different this year..I have always taken a break from outside running until Spring..but this year I have been running through the winter. I believe sunshine and shorter runs will bring back my love and I will be flying high again!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Miracles and more!

What I am going to write about to day is a little different than usual because these thoughts didn't come to me while I was running, in fact it isn't about running at all. These past few days have been so huge in my life I just had to put it into writing and share! As many of you know I have written a book called “ In Sickness and In Health” it is all about my husband Luke's journey through cancer during our first year of marriage. I wrote it over 8 years ago and had I self-published and on facebook. About a year ago I felt a stirring in my spirit that it needed to reach more people, I began to look into ways to accomplish this. If you don't already know it is very difficult to get your book published and into bookstores if you are an unknown author. The big publishers do not accept your manuscript without first being represented by a literary agent. So first you have to get a literary agent to accept and represent you and then you have to get that agent to get your manuscript into the hands of the publishers ,who accept very few. There are a few other ways, and I was offered an opportunity to try another way. I was presented a contract with Tate publishing, there was just one obstacle that I needed to overcome in order to sign with them. MONEY. At first I didn't understand why I needed to pay them but after talking to them several times and researching it I realized it is actually a really good thing. It is more like investing than paying. The publisher wants to make sure that they are not wasting their money on an author who is not serious and that it is a team effort to get the book published. On December 18th, I signed a contract with them on faith. I had NO IDEA where the money would come from to pay for the remaining money needed to fund the book. I began fund-raising on a great website called kickstarter.com. The goal was $2,000 in 30 days, and of all months I picked over Christmas! With 3 days to go I was thankful for the people that donated but we were still $1290 away from the goal. While looking through the itunes bookstore I stumbled across a book that caught my eye called The Circle Maker by Mark Patterson. The book was amazing and I couldn't put it down. It was exactly what I needed at that point in the fund raising. The book is all about the power of prayer and believing and praying for miracles. Now, I have always believed in the power of prayer but have sometimes wondered “How much do my prayers really matter?” “Can my prayers really change things?” I remember praying over and over as tears cascaded down my face for Luke's cancer to leave his leg. It never did. But what I realized then and even more this past week is that GOD STILL HEARS AND LISTENS TO OUR PRAYERS even when he doesn't answer the way we would like. If God would have answered that prayer my life would have looked a lot different. It wouldn't have involved writing this book and being able to hopefully inspire thousands of people to draw closer to our loving God through this journey. As I read through the Circle Maker, I claimed the most immediate miracle I needed. I began thanking God for the money that I was confident I knew He would provide for this vision of getting my book published. I prayed it, I felt it, I believed it. During this period I felt 100% confident that the miracle would happen yet at the same time 100% at peace if it didn't and God wanted me to go another route. As the days and hours passed we got closer and closer to our goal. Money started pouring in from friends and family. With just one day left we still needed $765 dollars. I remembered reading in the book that we should “work like it is up to us and pray like it is up to God” I realized I had not worked my hardest and I began to call and email more people. I called people that were way out of comfort zone and asked for help. I had to let my pride go and do what I believed I was called to do. I have always been a “ I can do it myself “ kind of girl ( as my mom tells stories of how I used to say that all the time as a child and I now see my own 6 year old daughter do) but that day called for me to ask others for help, was it uncomfortable? Yes, was it worth it? Absolutely! After contacting everyone I could think of, I knew NOW was the part to watch God do his miracles! As evening came I stayed close to the computer checking every few minutes to see how close we were to the goal. The numbers kept rising and the project was being funded by many peoples names that I didn't recognize. For a few hours every time I checked there were new names who had donated money towards my book! Each time a new name would appear I would announce it to my family and we would yell in delight! It was so fun having my family involved in the process. As the countdown clock on the fundraising went down, we saw the project over 100% funded. We counted “10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 Happy New Book” we yelled in unison! I was in awe and overwhelmed but not surprised. My God had once again went above and beyond my expectations. Ephesians 3:20 was brought to my mind “ Now to Him who is able to immeasurable y more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us” As I reflect on these past few days I am astonished at the wonderful, mysterious workings of God, He has carefully orchestrated every day, hour and second of our lives. There are no coincidences. My faith has expanded with the blessing of this miracle and I wake up in anticipation of what He will do next. I challenge you to begin praying for miracles in your life, really praying hard, on your knees, tears streaming down, passionate kind of prayers, because ANYTHING is possible with God!