I awoke with confusion “Why was I waking up when it still felt like night? “I looked at the clock, 4:15 AM. It quickly came back to me as I remembered today was the day I had been training for, for months, today was the day of my second Marathon, the Portland Marathon. I struggled in the darkness to find my clothes and quickly get dressed. I laced up my shoes as I mentally prepared for the 26.2 miles that lay ahead. I managed to eat two pieces of peanut butter toast before heading in the darkness to the car. As I drove to meet Melissa, my running partner, I began to question myself, my abilities and why in the world I was doing this! I parked my car and jumped into Melissa’s car as we headed to downtown Portland. We nervously talked about what lay ahead. We decided to pray and ask God to keep us from injury and give us the strength to complete this race.
We walked in the cold and found our starting place for the race. It was still dark as we heard the first group begin their race. We patiently waited until we were finally at the starting line. “Runners go” the announcer said and we were off. The crisp air felt good and my cold body quickly began to warm up. My fast paced music helped me find my pace and I began to feel confident about my goal of finishing this race in 4 hours and 30 mins. I glanced down at my pace it was under 9 minutes a mile, totally ahead of schedule! Mile after mile I took in the sights the sounds and the beauty around me, As the sun began to rise and the fans began to cheer I began to feel so blessed and full of energy “ I love this” I thought “ Running is the best thing ever! I know I will hit my goal” “Go Michelle” a girl yelled from the side of the street. I gazed at her intently to try and figure out if I knew her when I realized that name was printed on my race bib. She was the first of probably 100’s that cheered for me by name. As I passed mile 10 I looked at my time, 3 minutes ahead of schedule, I will finish in 4 hours and 20 minutes at this pace!”
“God thank you for this gift, thank you for my legs, and thank you for my health” I prayed as the sun shone on my face and my legs confidently carried me step after step after step. Mile marker 13 lay just ahead as I glanced at my time, 2 hours and 10 minutes! That was a half-marathon time to be proud of, “I have got this” I thought! There is NO WAY I will be over 5 hours! I thought back to my 5 hours and 4 minute race from the year before and knew I would be able to beat that time. I continued on -15 miles, 16, 17 and my body began to slow down. My pain was increasing rapidly. I pulled at my shorts under my running skirt for what seemed like the 100th time to try to minimize the burning I felt on my thighs. My feet began to pulse as I felt blisters getting bigger and the place where my big toenails used to be throb in pain. My knees ached with each step I took. “You can’t do this: my body screamed angrily at me. “ Make this pain stop” “You can’t” I told myself as I fought back and kept my body moving. Silence filled my ears as my iPod’s battery died. As I approached the 20 mile mark I began to talk to myself again “Why in the world did you ever sign up to do this? This is crazy! Why are you paying to torture yourself! Michelle just get through this and I promise I will never make you do this again!” As I checked my time again I realized I had slowed down drastically and needed to pick up my pace to now even have a chance of finishing under 5 hours. Although I was pushing my feet to run, the speed would not come, I lifted my now lead feet as fast as I could and realized that my “running” was the same speed as the walkers around me. Tears filled my eyes as I saw my goals literally slipping away in front of me. “Michelle” a still small voice began to speak to me “Will anyone care about your time but you? Will your friends or family remember what time you completed this Marathon in?” No God, but I care”. I replied. “I am a failure if I don’t beat my time”. “Why are you a failure? A victory is a victory no matter how long it takes you to get there” Suddenly it was as if a light went on in my head. Something I already knew but needed to be reminded of again. I needed to be proud of all of my accomplishments and victories no matter how long it took me or takes me to accomplish them. No one remembers or cares how long it takes me to accomplish my goals; they just remember that I accomplished them. Yes, I believe we should push ourselves to always give 100% but we cannot let our joy be robbed if we have not accomplished what we want to in our timeline which as we know is not the same as God’s timeline.
Step after agonizing step I pushed on. The pain was so intense I felt I could not go on. I looked at the spectators; all I wanted to do was to be one of them. To be sitting in the sun, holding a sign and cheering for people. Why couldn’t I have just been one of them today I thought? Because then you would never know what it feels like to finish, to know the victory of completing this great challenge.
As my legs screamed in pain I thought of my amazing friend Charis and how she inspired me to keep going, how she would love to be running with me and how I couldn’t give up because I promised her I would run for her and pray for her throughout my race. Charis’ story inspired me to keep going.
Charis has been in a wheelchair for 15 years. My memories of Charis are from when we were in 8th grade. I remember Charis as an active, full of life, athletic girl who everyone loved. Charis and I have not seen each other since then but we have recently connected again on Facebook. The following is her story in her words- “My car accident happened Oct. 15, 1997 so in a few days we always celebrate my life. This will be 15 years that I've been in the wheelchair. I was coming home from a friend’s house in the morning but the night before my accident we were exercising in her room (Heidi) and we decided the next day we would start running together but that didn't happen obviously. So she dropped me off at her boyfriend’s where my truck was. They left for Clark and I left for home about 5 miles away, that morning was super foggy about 6:30-7am. I was coming from a side road didn't see the STOP sign and T-boned a semi-truck hitting the landing gear which saved my life because it made it where I didn't go under the truck and chop off my head. I broke my neck C5 C6 and I was awake the whole time but don't remember. They did the neck surgery finally and then the nurse noticed I wasn't coming out of the anastheisa so they took me in for tests MRI cat scans and found a blood clot on my brain. So I had brain surgery that night which saved my life too. I was paralyzed from the neck down. I was in ICU for 2wks and don't remember anything. They put a trec in my throat so I couldn't talk and had to mouth everything and no one could understand so I would get angry. Had a feeding tube even when I came home. They took me to Good Samaritan over in Portland where I loved it and was always the life of the party trying to cheer everyone up. For me God let me take it as just a transition in my life one day walking the next in the wheelchair. I am an incomplete quadriplegic because I can move my right leg some left too but the left side was damaged more. I can write with my right hand and I can drive an automatic car with no hand controls but I have to have someone help me in the car and out. I was in therapy at Good Samaritan for 2 and a half months before I came home for good. Of course there have been ups and downs but who doesn’t? God gave me another huge chance at life; we have to make each day count. Trust me I'm not always positive but I try my best and I have to remind myself there are people worse off than me so I try my best to rely on God and surround myself with Good people. The end victory will be heaven and I will not even remember this. God Always needs to be made 1st.
As I thought of this amazing woman I couldn’t help but press on. Charis had pressed on through a million times more painful things both emotional and physical that made this marathon pale in comparison.
The miles continued to drag on when suddenly at mile 23 I heard my name. I looked to my left and saw Melissa my running partner. “I am so glad to see you” I told her. We ran together for a few minutes as I tried to keep up with her pace that was much faster than me. She began to move ahead and although my mind and my heart pushed, my body could not keep. “Just keep going, one foot in front of the other, you cannot stop, just keep going” “God help me to finish this race because I Know I can’t do it without you” My body was at maximum depletion. I looked down at my watch and saw it past the 5 hour mark. I was deeply disappointed but knew this was still my race to finish strong. After what seemed like forever I finally came to the street crowded with people that I knew must be close to the finish line, for the first time I saw people on the streets wearing medals and finisher shirts. “ Keep going Michelle” they yelled to me, “ Just around the corner, you are almost there” the cheers from the other Marathoners were the most meaningful and encouraging to me as I knew that really truly knew what I was going through at that painful moment. I spotted my friend Deborah in the crowd and then my Dad with roses in his hand, around the corner I saw my mom and finally what I had been waiting for hours, the finish line! As I crossed I looked down at my watch. It read 5 hours and 12 minutes. Not my goal at all but I finished. I was handed my beautiful gold medal and as I proudly hung it around my neck I felt such an amazing relief to be done. I rounded the corner and was greeted by the sweetest of all hugs, those from my kids and a kiss from my husband. The pain overcame me in such a way I could hardly stand. I quickly sat down, tore off my shoes and tried to get some relief. I reflected over the last 5 hours and 12 minutes. It was one of the most difficult physical and mental journeys I had ever been on, but I did it. With God’s help I completed 26.2 miles. And through this painful yet rewarding journey God taught me to not worry and stress about how long it takes me to accomplish a goal but to be proud of what I have done and to realize life is a gift and I am truly privileged to live another day and feel the wind on my face and pavement under my feet as I enjoy the gift of running.
my life as me, my journey to be the best me that I was created to be…As my pounding feet come to a halt I feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment.. I did what I set out to do and though the journey was hard, almost impossible at times..my hand was held by the one who has never left my side..and I know that I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…
