My Warrior Princess Days

Today I just want to be real, open and relatable. I haven’t run since last Saturday at my Half- marathon. It was such a beautiful fall day and I was excited for a short 13.1 mile run after all of my LONG marathon training. I made my goal of 10 mins per mile putting me at an end time of 2 hours and 10 mins. I made my way to the starting line and was off at a fairly good pace. Just a few short minutes into the race I felt an intense pain in my hamstring, as though I was being stabbed. I know my face must have showed pain but I did not stop and tried not to flinch. Mind over matter, mind over matter, “DO NOT STOP” I told myself. Mile after agonizing mile I tried to entertain my mind, to think of things to keep my mind off of the pain. It would work for a little while and then the stabbing would come back. “How am I ever going to run a full 26.2 miles in just 2 weeks when I can barely make it 13 today?” I thought.. in response a still small voice whispered “ Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of its own” The words dug deeper into my soul as I realized how true this was in things so much bigger than a race. How many times had I worried about an upcoming event while missing on the beauties of today? Hill after rolling hill I thought about those words. Finally I came to the finish line about 10 minutes after my goal but was happy that despite the pain I finished the race. Since then I have been soaking, icing and rolling my hamstring. I have been taking the week off trying to let it heal until I run my last pre-marathon long run on Friday. The words I heard during my race have been exactly what I needed to hear this week as I have faced obstacle after obstacle, challenge after challenge and almost non-stop adversity. Do you ever have one of those days, no one of those weeks when you feel like you will break if one more thing happens? That is what this week has been like, but you know what I love? I love that God is control, that God assures me that I do NOT need to worry about tomorrow, that He will NEVER give me more than I can handle AND He works all things together for the good of those who love Him! When I get knocked down or face adversity my first reaction is to cry or get angry, I have learned it is okay to feel those feeling- but just for a moment, then I look at what was happening as something that is going to make me grow, to stretch me and give me another life experience that can hopefully be used one day to help someone else going through the same thing. I like to picture myself as a Warrior, you know Xena the princess warrior ? Well I pretend I am a warrior and I let the adversity I am facing prepare me for battle, and as I know the battle I am preparing for is not really against flesh and blood, but against the enemy, but guess what? In this story Xena has the BEST Armor ever created! I envision the belt of Truth around my waist- Truth about who I am and who God is, I have a pink breastplate of righteousness guarding me, I put on my big sparkly silver boots that give me peace, the peace that passes all understanding which I cling tightly in in every situation, I grab my shield of faith which I use to distinguish the darts that fly at me from all directions, but I am protected because of my faith. I put on my cute helmet of salvation and draw out my sturdy, silver sword of the spirit, which is God’s word. I head into battle daily but I am not alone, my armor protects me and I can now handle adversity and truly not worry about tomorrow..

Letting go and loving today..

Running today was 100% for me, for my emotions and my relief. Today was a huge step in the Bader household, today was the first day that all three of my kids went to school. Hayden and Hayley headed off with excitement in the morning for 3rd and 1st Grade. I enjoyed the morning with Payton on my lap and ate a picnic lunch with him outside before getting him ready for his first day of Preschool. I had such mixed emotion as I walked him across the field from our house to the preschool. I had told him earlier in the day “You know I am not staying with you this time in your classroom” He looked at me as confidently as can be with his big blue eyes and sweet four year old voice and said “ I’ll be fine” We reached his classroom and he eagerly walked in barely getting a “goodbye” in to me as he went to find the cars to play with. I gazed through the glass and lovingly watched as he began his first day in school of many, many more. On the walk home I knew what I needed to do right away. I needed to lace up my shoes, turn on my music, to feel the pounding of the pavement on my feet and the cool air on my face. I began my journey of one of my biggest stress relievers..running. As my heart began pounding harder I replayed the events of the day. Surprisingly tears began to form in my eyes. Why was I doing this? I had never experienced this form of sadness and emotions when any of my other kids started school. But this was different; today my baby was in school. It is not that I didn’t know what I would fill my time with, there are plenty of things I needed to get done, but it was the thought that this may be my last baby, that I may never again feel a miracle growing inside me, never hear another one of my babies first cries, never kiss a squishy newborn face or stroke another baby’s hair as he nurses. Suddenly I heard my GPS say I had completed 1 mile. I looked down at my time, 7:29, that was the fastest mile I could ever remember having. “ Wow, I thought these emotions sure make me fast” I wiped the sweat from my brow and got lost in my thoughts again. I thought of each one of my children and how they had grown so quickly. “Cherish each moment” I heard a very familiar voice whisper in my ear. I thought back to when the kids were 3 and a half, 20 months and a newborn. I remember thinking those days of 3 kids in diapers, constant chaos, and no sleep would never end. And here I am today sending my “newborn” off to preschool. I have been told over and over by parents of older kids “Don’t blink or your kids will grow up” I used to think they just forgot what it was like to live among the chaos. But today as I pounded my emotions into the pavement for the first time, I really believed them. I had blinked and suddenly all my babies were with their teachers in classrooms full of exploring and learning. My 5 mile run seemed to fly by as I pondered how the last 8 years as a parent had passed so quickly, I decided to really enjoy each day with my miracles and not ever wish away another precious moment even in the midst of chaos. Today was a day of letting go and learning to love every age and stage my kids are in. As cheesy as it sounds, today really is a gift, so lets all live it to the fullest and not wish it away!